“You may have left much to follow Christ, you may have believed on Him, and worked for Him, and loved Him, and yet may not be like Him.
There are two wills, two interests, two lives. You have not yet lost your own life that you may live only in His.” Hannah Whitaker Smith
Recently I have thought on this fact often. Yes, I have "given up much" to follow His direction in our life…but I still so frequently notice my own likeness and interests.
A missionary friend told me once that the mission field can show you what you’re really like. It brings out things you didn’t know were there. And she was right. Testings always bring forth the faults, just as the fire brings forth the dross.
You would think that by surrendering as a missionary, you would be even more spiritual than others. But, we are only human as well and this journey only seems to show just how much. Little things that we might not have noticed, suddenly appear blatantly obvious when our surroundings are changed. Amy Carmichael wrote about this very fact.
“Wings are an illusive fallacy. Some may possess them, but they are not very visible, and as for me, there isn’t the least sign of a feather. Don’t imagine that by crossing the sea and landing on a foreign shore and learning a foreign lingo you ‘burst the bonds of outer sin and hatch yourself a cherubim.’”
No. Missionaries are far from saints! We have so many of our own interests that often become more noticeable on the mission field. We like our coffee a certain way, particular spices, specific shampoos, toothpastes…and when we no longer have access to these, we can get grumpy or depressed. We like to bring over what we can to make things familiar - foods, household goods…
Just the other day, someone here shared about one of their friends. They talked about how beautiful his home was. And said, “He’s building a heaven on earth for himself because he believes after he dies, he will come back and live in his place.”
We laugh and think that sounds silly, but it made me think - is that the appearance I give? Do I put too much into creating my little home? Making our homes a heaven on earth has always been seen as a good thing…but are we seen as settling in to this worldly home and neglecting looking ahead to our heavenly one?
Amy Carmichael wrote,
“We profess to be strangers and pilgrims, seeking after a country of our own, yet we settle down in the most un-stranger-like fashion, exactly as if we were quite at home and meant to stay as long as we could.”
Again, my heart is torn! Oh, how I love to create beauty in my little home! I have enjoyed getting the handmade, wicker things made locally. They are very inexpensive, but so beautiful! But then my heart is torn…is it wrong to get pretty things for my home? Or invest time in creating a beautiful home? What about doing little things like occasional face masks or painting our nails? What would the Lord have me do?
Then there are the immense needs all around me. And my heart again feels guilty…”Is it wrong to have things when those around me have nothing?”
Only questions my Lord can answer. But I know that within me still lies many of my own desires and interests, that may not necessarily be my Savior’s. I cannot compare to another and say, “But Lord, You have allowed them to do such and such or have such…” because who am I to tell the Potter what the clay should be made into and used for?
My prayer must be,
“Lord, enable me to regulate this day so as to please Thee! Give me spiritual insight to discover what is Thy will in all the relations of my life. Guide me as to my pursuits, my friendships, my readings, my dress, my Christian work.” Hannah Whitaker Smith
What a difference in each of our lives if this was our prayer!
And may I eventually be able to truthfully say,
“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me:” Galatians 2:20
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